I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
