We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
