Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
