So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
