We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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