i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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