ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
