I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
