i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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