After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
