Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
