I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
