the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
