Kiss
Puke
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
