i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
