oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
