yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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