guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
