She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
