i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
