none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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