those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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