Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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