It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Shame is for Republicans.
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