I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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