if only i could text you this smell
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
