in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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