Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
