I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
