I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
