Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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