I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
