hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
