The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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