Ambien. No doubt about it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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