hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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