one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
