I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize