i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
