Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
