I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
