i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
