eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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