I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
