Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Princesses don't give blow jobs
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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