for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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