i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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