we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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