the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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