Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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