You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
