I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
honey bunches of taint.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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