how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
