I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
