Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
