all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
