idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
