I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That accounts for only three of the penises
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize