You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
