apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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