Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ketchup is God's man juice
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
