Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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