The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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