Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
