i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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