even my farts smell like vagina
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
