you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
