Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
